We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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