Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
