I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize