Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my being single is dangerous.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
