Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
