let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
