I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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