Pappa wants mamma naked
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
