I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
