I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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