I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
