You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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