I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
