yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
