I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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