I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
