dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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