He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
