what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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