dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
