woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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