why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
