At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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