Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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