So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize