Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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