You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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