That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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