i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
