he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
