would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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