He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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