I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
