OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
