Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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