Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
