I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
