it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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