i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Every concussion has its silver lining
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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