How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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