Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the day after is always just damage control
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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