i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
