Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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