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i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
