i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
