I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
