I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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