I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
