I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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