My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
