wat bout pragnant strippers??
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
