His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
