And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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