thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
