We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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