mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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