Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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