im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
this will be a night to untag.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
