Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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