so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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