Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
