please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
