the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
