She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
