I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
