Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
