getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
