he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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