That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
