Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
