Just cropdusted the office
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
