We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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