I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
