My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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