just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
